Appreciation vs Expection of What You Deserve: Avoiding Surreal Self Destruction
So a friend of mine, who lived in many ways a similar path, but is far older and wiser, recently told me that it can be hard for people who were traditionally poor to accept that they deserve and should live an active healthy and full life.
I can think of many occassions when things were going well for me that I ended up doing dumb self desctructive things.
Recently I was flown out for an interesting high paying consulting position. They flew me out business class, and even had a person holding up my name at the airport. The hotel they put me up in was a 5 star hotel with private villas. I then got to talk to some deans at schools about creating college courses. Quite amazing, considering that I have never went to college and only began learning my subject less than 4 years ago.
I just got back to the sweet hotel, had an amazing meal, and then turned on comedy central, where the comedian on tv is one who personally insulted me last time I was in NYC. I of course loved that 
Right now I feel I am getting more than I deserve, but it is an irrelevant and quite dumb worldview. To feel anything is deserved is at best presumptuous, depressing, and / or self destructive. Who helped set up your expections? Why did they guide you in that way? How do they benefit from that guidance or behavior?
When you view the world in terms of do I deserve what I have it only sets you up for disappointment.
- If you are doing worse than you feel you deserve then you would not appreciate what you have.
- If you are doing better than you feel you deserve then you might isolate yourself from your environment or set yourself up for self distructive behavior that puts your experience more in-line with what you feel you deserve.
The mind is limitless, so viewing the world through expectations needs to be taken with a grain of salt. I guess the point is, that no matter what you experience in life the key to being happy is to appreciate the additional perspective and opportunity each situation offers you.